Women today (influenced by women yesterday?)

Ever wondered why a woman feels like she has to be Super woman and balance all the aspects of her life after she is married and has children? We set such high expectations for ourselves that we ourselves cannot meet up to (and die trying). When we are not able to meet the un-realistic goals we set………we start feeling guilty……we feel like we have failed our family, children, husband, boss, etc.

I wondered why women feel this way and compared it to how men feel about themselves………well, men don’t take it upon themselves and agonize over the dishes not done, or the bed not made (of course not all fingers are the same). Most men acknowledge that a woman is their equal counterpart but they still do not agonize over household chores like we do.

The real answer may lie in the history of women and how the Women rights movement came into play.

America is considered one the best places for women to live -- in terms of equal opportunities and rights, but it was not always like this. The first Women rights movements sprung about in the 1800’s when women supporting the cause of anti-slavery realized that, their own rights compared to those of the slaves were -- not very different.

Women at that time were not eligible to vote, University education was not open to them, and women could not have her property in her name after marriage (the property was automatically transferred to her husband). The whole theory of Separate spheres existed. The man’s sphere was the outside or public world, and the woman’s sphere was the domestic. But things changed when the idea that women were the custodians of morality came into play. Women started to minister to the poor, teach them, form anti-slavery groups, and started to cross paths with men on Public speaking platforms.

But even much before this era they was a time that women were accused and killed on Witchcraft accusations. The accusations were usually from neighbors and they blamed women who were more often single or windowed, older women with property. These women often bore no children, or had no sons, and if a married women was accused her husband and son and daughters were in danger of getting accused as well. The accusations could range from death or sickness of farm animals or relatives, to natural disasters, to the death of the accused witches child or husband.

The implication here is that society unconsciously contributed to the accusations by eliminating women past their child bearing, productive years. (So now you know why the tradition witch is depicted as an old hag)

Coming back to present day America……yes we do have it better than those women had it, at the eras they lived in……definitely. But have we really come as far as we would like to believe? Physiologically at least?

If we have then why do we torment ourselves -- by trying to be Superwoman just to please everyone else in our lives and not ourselves? When it comes to take our children to the Doctor we never hesitate and take time out no matter how busy we really are, but when was the last time your Doctor sent you a yearly check-up appointment and you actually went?

You decide …..does the ideology of Separate spheres still exist and to what extent? All I have come to the conclusion is that you can never make everyone in your life happy so at least make yourself happy and in order to love someone you have to love yourself first.

Skeletons in our closet

One might wonder why I chose such a name as “the skeletons in our closet” as the title for my blog spot. Well the truth is that we all have skeletons in our closet.

Yes, each one of us does.

There are certain things that even those who we are close to -- do not know about us (scary thought). We all have done something in our lives that we are not proud of and, given a second chance, would never repeat it.

Still we like to critique others lives. Do the holier than thou act. In a book on how to find topics to write about, the author stated that nothing can be more interesting that our own backyard.

I agree.

If we all were to write a book inspired by our very own experiences and bring out the skeletons from our closet, I bet you it would make an interesting read. Each life is a story worth telling. We have all in one way or the other faced and overcome obstacles in our life. We have all at least once in our lives questioned (some entity above) “why me”?

The skeletons in our closet have shaped us to be what we are today and most importantly, where we are in life today. For most of us (if not all of us) I can safely assume that the skeletons in our closet have made us better human beings. As humans we ourselves do not know what we are capable of, we constantly underestimate ourselves. There is nothing we are not capable of overcoming only if we want to; you only have to take a look at the skeletons in your closet to prove it to yourself.

If you have to adopt one motto in your life let it be whatever happened, happened for the best, all other motto’s will follow with this one concept in mind. Once you apply this to your life you will find yourself being more positive and be able to move on and pursue new opportunities. After sometime you will notice that the skeletons in your closet will start to appear as a positive force in your life versus the negative. Ultimately it’s up to you to view the glass as half empty or half full.

If it was not for the skeletons in my closet I would definitely not be writing about it. Let’s celebrate our lives, live to the fullest, if you have a passion fulfill it now; it’s never too late.

Lets try to be human and not like the skeletons in our closet. Life is all about embracing the good, the bad, the ugly, and the skeletons in our closet and making the best out of it.

India vs US

Growing up in Nigeria and going to college in India, America to me was the land of freedom, the land without boundaries where one’s possibilities were endless, where truly if there was a will there was definitely a way. There was awe and glamour attached to the way of living in America. I left my friends and family to embark on my journey to the land of opportunity, California. I learnt from my experiences and if you want the short cut approach to make yourself adapt to the way of living and culture of America even before going there… then look no further, you are reading the right article.

The first thing a new comer will notice on the way from the airport to wherever they are going to is that there is one person per car and that is the norm. To encourage commuters to share a ride most freeways have something called a carpool lane which can only be used if there are two or more people in a car. The carpool lane is fast and passes the single person driven cars in a breeze. One can only imagine what a car pool lane in India would be like, where in a 5 seated car 10 family members can be squeezed with space to throw in the neighbor’s kids as well.

Due to the busy life and schedule, weekends is the only time people get to go grocery shopping, clean the house, pay the bills, do household chores etc. so if you happen to drop by at your friends house without prior notice don’t be surprised to hear “you should have called before you came”. In US you have to be respectful of ones time and not barge in on someone who you consider a close friend. In India we can barge in on our friends’ house at odd hours, what is all this prior notice when we want to visit and honestly if our friend was to ask us to call before we drop by their house that would be a huge insult and the friendship is likely break.

Equality at least in theory exists in the American workplace. Everyone in the workplace is on first name basis, regardless of title, superiority, and/or seniority. If you call your Boss, “Boss” or “Sir” often they would think you are being funny on purpose. And don’t you dare call an elderly person Uncle or Aunty, not unless you are related. Calling your Boss by his or her first name in India would mean disaster for your career, it would mean that you are disrespectful and you might even get fired and not calling your friends parents Uncle and Aunty is the same.

Making friends is not easy especially if you are straight out of India. The desi youngsters hang around with similar Indians who have been born and raised here and a desi out of India is tagged a FOB – Fresh off the boat. Which I do not understand. Would they rather someone put a fake accent on and act all American when obviously they have lived in India and will have Indian mannerism in them. It’s probably easier to make American friends or friends with desis of similar backgrounds. Try social networks like orkut, friendster,etc. participate in locale events. A newcomer going to India for the first time is embraced into a group much easier than here.

Any one viewing American Idol can quickly feel the tension and fierce competitiveness and rivalry between the contestants. When someone is eliminated the remaining contestants are relieved and view the elimination as one person less to compete against. They openly express their happiness at staying on for another episode and who has the time or energy to mope around for the eliminated contestant. On the Indian Idol when a contestant gets eliminated, fellow contestants are in tears, audience is in tears, and even at times you will see the judges trying hard to keep the tears from falling. As Indians we are generally sensitive and feel the person’s pain even if they are our competition.


Modesty is a virtue versus confidence is a virtue………..and no guessing which country represents what virtue. A modest person here is mistaken to have a low level of confidence. While a person who shows over confidence is interpreted as to know what he/she want in life. In India some of the few fundamentals that we are brought up with are “self praise is no praise” and “simple living, high thinking” just to repeat a few. But if you want to succeed in the American workplace one has to speak up and let your voice be heard. You have to blow your own trumpet sometimes and learn how to take compliments well, (something which most of us are bad at receiving).


The topic of this article suggests that all this is gathered from my experience. Your experience might be different or varied with a different flavor to them. Coming to America the most difficult part for me was learning to do every thing on my own with no domestic help, but now I proudly claim that there is nothing that I cannot do. I work a full time job, go to college part time, and go home to my Family that consists of my mom-in-law, sis-in-law, husband and three year old son to cook everyday, and I still found the time to write as this is my passion. No one country or culture is totally flawed or perfect. It is up to the individual to use their judgment and pick what applies to them and drop the rest. Take the opportunity to blend in the best of both cultures, to make a blend that is truly yours and applies to your life in a way that is meaningful.

America is truly a land of opportunity but newcomers beware she will test you in every way possible to make sure you are worthy, throw hurdles in your way and when you show perseverance she will open her arms and embrace you.